Hello Every One
Seems to have been very popular here since I visited last time, wow !
I study English every days because my dream is to live in Okinawa,
in an apartment with great ocean view !
I feel my english skills getting better and better every days.
I thank those anonymous people who suggested me a everyday small
try to touch english articles in Financial Times.
I can read now almost any article in Financial Times without any help of
dictionaries, yet I consult my favorite dictionary to make sure of
japanese expression of some words.
I feel now as if I were an English man w.
Though tomorrow is Sunday, I have to work from morning.
Bye
みんなもがんばって
【ご参考】
また、難題をお願いできますでしょうか。最近間違いだらけの英文がネット上の掲示板に投稿されているのを見つけました。投稿者は誤りの箇所を指摘して欲しいそうです。ものすごく誤りがあって大変とは思いますが、20点くらい単語のミスや文法のミス、英文では使わない表現、冗長な表現などを指摘をいただけますでしょうか。よろしくお願いします。
(英文)
Hello everybodies
I am off today because today is a national holiday.
Recall first of all that one has to modify the end of the word "body" to
bodies if one makes the plural form, not leaving -y as it is !
OK.
Now we start the today's talk.
We are familiar with carbon, aren't we ?
Carbon forms hybrides. The electron configuration of the carbon atom is
1s22s22px2py, so we should expect carbon to have a covalence of 2, and
to form the hybride CH2.
Unfortunately for a simple view, the only well known hybride of carbon
with one carbon atom, who is the principal character created by Osamu
Tezuka, in the molecule is the compound methane with the molecular
formula CH4.
It is getting dark here in Okinawa.
My skyscraper apartment has a marvelous ocean view.
So much for today.
Everyone take care !
ChatGPT
Sure, here are the corrections and suggestions for improvement:
1."everybodies" should be "everybody" (singular).
2."off today because today is a national holiday" can be simplified to "off today because it's a national holiday" to avoid repetition.
3."Recall first of all that one has to modify the end of the word 'body' to bodies if one makes the plural form, not leaving -y as it is!" can be revised to "First of all, remember to modify the end of the word 'body' to 'bodies' when making it plural, rather than leaving '-y' as it is."
4."today's talk" is fine, but it's more common to say "today's discussion" or "today's topic."
5."We are familiar with carbon, aren't we ?" is correct but can be improved by removing the space before the question mark: "We are familiar with carbon, aren't we?"
6."Carbon forms hybrides." should be "Carbon forms hybrids."
7."1s22s22px2py" can be simplified to "1s22s22p2."
8."covalence" should be "valence."
9."to form the hybride CH2" can be revised to "to form the hybrid CH?."
10."the only well known hybride of carbon with one carbon atom, who is the principal character created by Osamu Tezuka, in the molecule is the compound methane" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. It seems like there is a mix-up between chemical terminology and a reference to a character. It should be rephrased for clarity.
11."It is getting dark here in Okinawa." is fine but could be combined with the next sentence for better flow.
12."My skyscraper apartment has a marvelous ocean view." is grammatically correct but could be simplified to "My apartment in the skyscraper has a marvelous ocean view."
13."So much for today." is okay but can be replaced with a more formal closing like "That's all for today."
14."Everyone take care !" should be "Everyone, take care!"
Here's the revised version:
"Hello everybody,
I'm off today because it's a national holiday. First of all, remember to modify the end of the word 'body' to 'bodies' when making it plural, rather than leaving '-y' as it is.
Now let's start today's discussion. Are we all familiar with carbon?
Carbon forms hybrids. The electron configuration of the carbon atom is 1s22s22p2, so we should expect carbon to have a valence of 2 and to form the hybrid CH?.
Unfortunately, despite this simple view, the only well-known compound of carbon with one carbon atom is methane with the molecular formula CH?.
It's getting dark here in Okinawa. My apartment in the skyscraper has a marvelous ocean view.
That's all for today. Everyone, take care!"
【ご参考】
この投稿者の方は中学校で英語をしっかり学ばかったようで、段落に分けて文章を書けないようですが、前回と同じように、できる限りたくさん、単語のミスや文法のミス、英文では使わない表現、冗長な表現などを指摘をしていただき、さらに可能であれば、適切に段落分けされた文章を改訂版としてお教えいただければと思います。よろしくお願いいたします。
(英文)
Hello Every One
Seems to have been very popular here since I visited last time, wow !
I study English every days because my dream is to live in Okinawa,
in an apartment with great ocean view !
I feel my english skills getting better and better every days.
I thank those anonymous people who suggested me a everyday small
try to touch english articles in Financial Times.
I can read now almost any article in Financial Times without any help of
dictionaries, yet I consult my favorite dictionary to make sure of
japanese expression of some words.
I feel now as if I were an English man w.
Though tomorrow is Sunday, I have to work from morning.
Bye
ChatGPT
Here are the corrections and suggestions for improvement:
1."Hello Every One" should be "Hello everyone" (lowercase).
2."Seems to have been very popular here since I visited last time, wow !" can be revised for clarity: "It seems this place has become very popular since my last visit, wow!"
3."I study English every days" should be "I study English every day."
4."I feel my english skills getting better and better every days." can be improved: "I feel my English skills improving more and more every day."
5."I thank those anonymous people who suggested me a everyday small try to touch english articles in Financial Times." has several errors. It should be: 6."I thank those anonymous people who suggested that I make a daily effort to read English articles in the Financial Times."
6."I can read now almost any article in Financial Times without any help of dictionaries, yet I consult my favorite dictionary to make sure of japanese expression of some words." can be revised: "I can now read almost any article in the Financial Times without the help of dictionaries, although I still consult my favorite dictionary to confirm the Japanese expressions of some words."
7."I feel now as if I were an English man w." seems incomplete. It's not clear what "w." stands for.
8."Though tomorrow is Sunday, I have to work from morning." is fine but can be improved with punctuation: "Although tomorrow is Sunday, I have to work from morning."
9."Bye" is okay but can be a bit abrupt. Consider adding a polite closing like "Goodbye" or "Take care."
Here's the revised version with appropriate paragraph breaks:
Hello everyone,
It seems this place has become very popular since my last visit, wow! I study English every day because my dream is to live in Okinawa, in an apartment with a great ocean view! I feel my English skills improving more and more every day.
I thank those anonymous people who suggested that I make a daily effort to read English articles in the Financial Times. I can now read almost any article in the Financial Times without the help of dictionaries, although I still consult my favorite dictionary to confirm the Japanese expressions of some words.
I feel now as if I were an English man [unclear]. Although tomorrow is Sunday, I have to work from morning.